Daggy fashion suits my manhood

THE health warning recently attached to wearing skinny jeans sent me scurrying to my wardrobe to check for any such hazardous apparel. After all, I am a contemporary of Mick Jagger and he seems to have been wearing skinny jeans for ever.

It turns out I do have some trousers I can no longer get into, but it is the waist size rather than the leggings which is the problem. Indeed, the leggings seem to flare out rather than taper in.

My concern was prompted by news from Adelaide of a 35-year-old woman whose skinny jeans cut off blood supply to her legs to the point where she collapsed and could not walk. Doctors had to cut the jeans away to treat the badly swollen calf muscles and she was in hospital for four days.

A “fashion victim”, spouted the media which took up the story across the world. The Sun in England pointed to “painful testicular problems” thanks to the current fashion for men wearing tight jeans. I don’t know who these people are but the writer cited names like Russell Brand, Jude Law and Joey Essex.

Joey Essex along with Harry Styles featured in a Guardian story which suggested both might be wearing women’s skinny jeans, a fashion statement which could lead to bladder infection and reduced sperm count.

It started me thinking about my own slavery to fashion whereby, since retirement, my summer gear consists of a sloppy tee-shirt and shorts and my winter wear is a sweater and baggy tracksuit bottoms.

I call it casual but the women in my life call it daggy, so much so that I am forbidden to venture out in public. I have been known to escape from time to time, usually to the hardware chain store where I blend in with all the other male escapees who are buying more boys’ toys which we will hardly ever use.

Daggy it may be, but I am safe in the knowledge that my testicles and sperm count are not in danger.

Len Horne

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